its the new year........

and as my friend put it im "looking back on the last year and re evaluating"...well I dont know if thats what she said exactly but you get the point.

I guess when its the end of the year you do really look back and think what have I accomplished this year? What did I do to better myself? Did I put myself first? My kids? My husband? what can I do better next year? well heres my reflection of this last year......

My husband was gone for 7 months..... to anyone that has ever had their husband gone they know what its like to not feel whole for 7 months. To feel like half of you is missing. it was a difficult deployment....stress on both of us...of course for him being deployed and for me taking care of two kids and a house and trying to keep the happy face on. Luckily I had great....no FANTASTIC friends to help me through it. I am the type of person that keeps a close circle of friends. I dont really have acquaintances or so so friends...but at the same time I do....let me try to explain. I forgive to easily....or I let things slide that I shouldnt...a lot of the time. my husband can verify this lol. I let things go that really shouldnt be excused. But at what point in life do you have to say that letting things go is growing up...or its being walked on? isnt it a fine line? I think im getting off my point....let me try to get back lol.


this past year my family life has been great. Of course there was stress with taylor being deployed but at the end of the day we would rather be fighting with eachother then pretending everything in our relationship is perfect or being with anyone else. we are soul mates no matter how difficult that may be to remember at times. For anyone that knows our story we got married very young and very fast. This works against us sometimes but we know in our hearts that God put us together and God will keep us together.

Mark 10:6-9 (TNIV) But at the beginning of creation God 'made
them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and
mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'
So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined
together, let no one separate.

(although I think that it could be man and man or female and female...yes thats right im pro gay marriage...get over it)

My kids are great. They are the biggest blessings in my life by far. They can test my patience and wear me down to the bone but I have learned a lot this past year. Ive learned what kind of mother I want to be and what kind I dont. I have learned that I am stronger then I ever thought I could be...or dreamed I could be. I have learned that patience really is the key hahahahahah....ive learned that terrible twos really does exist and should be put in a handbook somewhere....when the kid pops out a manual should come with it. Lily amazes me everyday and so does Zaiden with something new they learn. Or something I didnt know they knew to begin with. Watching children grow and learn and knowing that im the one that carried them...and feed them and teach them is the best feeling in the world. ok ok taylor had something to do with it to hahahahahaha..love you baby!

Now back to friends....awwww friendships....they are a beautiful, complicated, exhausting, fulfilling thing arent they? But should they be? im not so sure anymore. Ive lost a lot of friends this year...but then I have to ask myself...if ive lost them were they ever true friends to begin with? I have "friends" that ive had for years that I guess when it comes down to it I couldnt really call them friends. but then again I have friends that I never speak to...maybe once in a blue moon...but I know if i called them and told them I needed them they would be there in a heart beat.....so which is better? Friends that are there for everyday things but you couldnt call in a pinch? or friends that are hardly ever there but you know would be there in a heartbeat? I guess its a tough call.

of course im lucky enough to have friends that are there for everyday things and friends that I can call in a pinch..or just to bitch...or just to say he I miss your boobs...i mean face...lol.

There are some friendships that ended this year that I have closure on. and then dont. Theres a lot of things I would like to clear up but then see no point in doing so. so again....is there a right answer? is there a point that you just have to let it go? there are a lot of people that say yes. But there are a lot of people that are like me that need that closure. need that " I did everything I could, I said everything I needed to, and I can walk away knowing that its for the best."

I think for me its a need to want to fix things. Or at least get my point across. and i know that im not always right and sometimes my opinion doesnt matter or shouldnt matter but I like to at least feel heard.





The lessons we learn in life......they dont always come easy....they arent always fun....and at the time you arent always grateful for them. but you learn to be.

Goals for the new year

1. quit smoking (4 days down)
2. lose weight (yeah thats always one lol)
3. be less of a hypochondriac ( lol yes Ky I promise I will try)
4. enjoy the little things more
5. spend less money on useless crap
6. renew my vows with my fabulous hubby
7. learn to appreciate my husband more....or at least learn to express it better because I appreciate him more then he will ever know
8. cherish the TRUE friendships I have and do away with the rest of the crap.
9. Learn the difference between a true friend, a friend of convenience, an acquaintance, a frienemy, and a piece of shit.
10. take more time for myself
11. go on more walks
12. do the dishes everyday
13. make a hunny do list
14. finish house projects that are financially possible
15. pay off credit debt
16. learn when its ok to walk away from a situation
17. learn that I cant fix everybody/everything and I need to stop trying
18. learn that not everyone will like me and thats ok
19. go to church more
20. read more (it just so happens the next book in my fav series came out today so i will be buying that tomorrow! super excited!)

thats all I can think of right now. man im going to have a busy year. lots of learning to do...and lots of growing up to do. im ready and willing to take on the new year and hope for the best.

Heres to the husband I adore and am madly in love with
Heres to the kids that I love so much I didnt know that kind of love was possible
Heres to the friends that put up with my shit and love me anyway
heres to my mom that knows when to be my friend and put me in my place and knows when to be my mom and love me no matter if im right or wrong.
and last but not least.....heres to me. im not the best person in the world, im not the brightest and im not the most beautiful....but im me and im learning to love that person more and more each day.


I know its a little late but this blog was started and never finished and now I finally finished it.....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! Go make the most of it. Its the only 2011 you will get :D

Happy new year!!!!!!!

we are 3 days into the new year which means day 3 of no smoking for me...im not going to lie and say its been easy cause it hasnt but im proud of myself for making the 3 day mark. A lot is going to be happening in the bundt household....as usual hahahhaha. and of course as soon as I sit down to blog z man wakes up from his late nap...i was gonna wake him up in a few min anyway but still! come on little man. lol. so I guess I will blog more later. I will be making my new years resolution check list on here so I cant lose it and I actually have to stick to it.....pooooooo. Until later tonight!

NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!!!!1

We arent in freaking highschool anymore!!!!!!!!! no matter how small your bubble may be mine has grown. so either join me in adulthood or fuck off. I dont have time for this stupid shit anymore.

If you think this is about you then maybe you should be asking yourself what you have done to piss me off lately and talk to me about it.

and if its not about you then thanks for reading anyway :D

That is all. going to bed.

Giving up facebook...and the computer

Well ok we all know I cant REALLY give up the computer all together. I have bills to pay and as I said im going to be blogging more. But I was thinking about it and although I love facebook and being able to reconnect with friends and family and play games it just takes up to much of my time. I am a mom of two wonderful kids with a husband who is home on leave and I just dont think the computer is needed at this time. I feel like even though im here everyday with them im missing out on so much of their life. I want to do arts and crafts with lily and teach zaiden more words. I have the hardest but most rewarding job ever. Its not always easy but when it comes down to it im so blessed and thankful to be able to be a stay at home mom. I dont have to work and we still live really comfortable. I am blessed with a husband who agrees with my thoughts on staying home so a parent is present in our kids lives all the time.

Now dont get me wrong, im not saying if you do it different you are wrong. This is just what works for me and my family. I think that I waste so much time on the computer looking up stupid crap that I add to my stress when the house isnt as clean as I want it to be or the laundry isnt done when I want to wear something or im trying to plan last minute dinners. Its time for me to get back to my family. They are growing up way to fast and I dont want to miss a second.

so if you need to get a hold of me you can send me an email to phillieb@gmail.com and it will come to my phone or just send me a text. or you can call me lol. anyway that is all for now. expect a blog later tonight. We are going to church soon and then going to do some Christmas shopping :D sooooo excited! a wheelchair and a stroller through the mall should be fun hahahahaha. ok well ta ta for now!

Things I Love...and other stuff

Im not gonna lie....its been difficult and stressful the last little bit at the Bundt house. Taylor is now home from afghan land and has had his knee surgery which we thank God for they were able to repair his knee. Its alonger recovery and more painful but it will be a better outcome. Im really proud of him for all he does for our family even if I dont always show it. I wear my stress and my heart on my sleeve and unfortunately sometimes its aimed right at him even when he doesnt deserve it. Sorry baby. I love you so much and appreciate everything you do for the family. Zaiden is now 1.....my baby is no longer a baby...even though im not considering him a toddler cause hes still not walking lol. That counts right? We find something new he is allergic to or sensitive to everyday lol. My poor bubba love got my immune system and bad luck. The poor boy was stung in the tounge by a bee and we found out he was allergic to bees, He was allergic to disposable diapers for a long time so he was put into cloth, then started getting yeast infections and horrible diaper rashes from the cloth so now he is in huggies all natural organic diapers and still gets little rashes here and there but nothing like it was. He is lactose intolerant so he is on all soy lol and at his one year check up he was 31 inches tall and almost 25 pounds. hes my big boy :D He has taken a few steps but shows no real interest in walking yet. and lily....my sweet lily bug. that child amazes me......she is so smart and so sweet and loving...I feel bad when I have to yell at her for asking her to do something 20 thousand times......she just recently found scissors and cut her own hair. you can see the pics on facebook lol. I hated the haircut at first but now I love it.....she looks so cute with some bows or headbands and it fits her...although I cant wait for the long hair to be back to lol............so now on to things im thankful for. the reason im making this list is because things have been a little stressful lately......nothing has seemed to be going right and I just wanted to get a break and have something good happen. a great friend reminded me that I am very blessed and have lots of great things in my life...I just needed to make a list to remember them...so here I go



1. I am grateful that even though it was not easy on my body God blessed me with two wonderful babies

2. I love that zaiden calls for mama when he is upset or hurt or wants some lovies

3. I love that lily wakes me up in the morning saying "mommy please wake up...its a beautiful day"

4. I love when zaiden is crying lily tells him its ok brother...dont cry

5. I love that even after almost 5 years of being married I still get butterflies in my tummy when my hubby looks at me

6. I love that zaiden knows his dada and smiles at him and giggles at him ( tay was gone for the majority of his first year so im really happy they bonded)

7. I love that we own our house.....it may not always be great and it may not be cheap but it is ours...and I can do whatever I want to it :D

8. I love watching lily and zaiden learn new things and knowing that we taught them that

9. I love my parents more then they will ever know. for all the fights and punishments and love...it made me who I am today

10. I love my brothers and im glad that we can now all day that we like eachother lol

11. I love that my family treats my kids so great and lets them know how loved they are

12. I love buying presents for people....we are so blessed with everything we have and are able to get and I love sharing that with other people

13. I love seeing someones face when you give them a present that was just perfect for them.

14. I LOVE my morning coffee even if it doesnt always love me back lol

15. I love that through my negative experiences in life...pregnancy, delivery, breastfeeding, money, family, and many more that I can help other people when they encounter problems

16. I love that I get my new fridge tomorrow lol

17. I love hooka

18. I love cherry pepsi with tattoo rum

19. I love Katelyn Demidow ( you should check out her blog http://peaceloveandleener.blogspot.com)

20. I love how blogging makes me feel...I should do it more

21. I love all my friends that I have made here....they are great support and love

22. I love that im in touch with old friends

23. I love that I am in a better mood now because i thought of all the things I love

24. I love that I can sit on my butt and have a drink and not feel guilty tonight

25. last but not least....I love Dogs. I have had the pleasure of knowing some great dogs in my life......one great puppy joined God in doggy heaven early this morning....her name was roxy and although I may have made fun of her and given her crap(sorry about that roxy) I loved her a lot. She was a great cuddle bear and she protected my mom and loved my mom til her last breath. You will be greatly missed Roxy.


Thats all I got for tonight but I promise it wont be so long next time. Enjoy!!!!!!

its just so sad.......

When its been so long since you wrote a blog you cant even remember your login. anyway here it goes


actually there is so much to say and not a whole lot of it would be nice so maybe its better I dont write one hahahahahahaha.

I think sitting here and enjoying the rest of my hooka and going to bed will be more in order. I am going to try and keep up more with this blog because some days I am interesting. not all the time but sometimes.


i need a vacation.

The end

Its been far to long

I need to get back into this blogging thing!!!!! I have been doing things like a mad woman on the go non stop and its finally catching up to me. phew! lol

well a few things that have been going on....lil zaiderman is trying to crawl and can pull himself up into a sitting position!!!!! he is so funny when he is trying to crawl...he gets up on all fours and rocks and moves his knee forward but hasnt gotten the move the arm forward yet...although I expect it to happen soon. and the sitting up thing is HUGE for him. He just had no desire to sit up at first...he knew how but didnt want to. and now that he can pull himself up he just army crawls everywhere and then sits up. I love it!!!! Its really bitter sweet though since he is our last and I feel like it is going by in the blink of an eye. I have been trying to take more pics and videos but they are mostly on my phone so i can send them to hubby. I am very much ready for him to be home.....I miss him like crazy and lily is getting impatient and wonders why daddy has been at work for so long lol. I keep telling her daddy is on an adventure with diego and will be home soon!

Lily.....oh sweet....adorable....terrible two lily. She is the sweetest most loveable hugable adorable child when she wants to be but can switch to a total demon in a matter of seconds. I know she i sjust testing me most of the time but i can say I have failed a few of those tests. I try not to give in to much but its so hard to find the balance between being over strict and under strict. Of course we all want our children to be happy but where do we draw the line? is it at the extra story at bed time? at the wanting to eat only fruit snacks and hot dogs for 3 days? I mean whatever makes them happy right? That was my theory up until a few days ago. Lily has started boycotting bedtime like its going out of style. it has become a hour and a half to two hour battle to get her to go to bed and i can say that my patience is thin and non existant after about 30 min of the struggle. I think I may have found a solution.....although not one im proud of......I have been told to take away her favorite toy as a punishment but the problem is she doesnt have one. yes my 2 year old does not have a favorite toy. her favorite thing is watching her cartoons. I have been wanting to cut back her tv time for awhile now since she learned to go in the guest room and turn on the tv if she didnt like the music mommy was playing....so i think i found a solution


I moved the tv up to her room and im only going to let her watch it at bedtime. So far tonight it has been working great and she has only come out twice. once to ask mommy for a kiss and once to ask mommy for a hug. I know this may not be the best solution and maybe its a bad idea but for now I can say that im liking it because tonight is the first night I have not sat on her floor crying. Have you ever just gotten to apoint...after the yelling, and the bartering and the spankings that you just are at a loss of what to do? That was me every night....I just didnt know what to do so eventually I would sit on her floor and cry.....pathetic? maybe.....but I just couldnt handle the stress lol. Another reason we are only have 2 kids. i dont think I could handle anymore.

anyway she is still a great kid and apparently is a lot like I was.....im sorry mommy! I feel for you! lol. she can now sing twinkle twinkle little star and still sings her own little version of you are my sunshine that I love. she has the cutest little voice and my heart melts everytime she sings. she also loves to read to her babies....and she loves to play with zaiden most of the time lol. she can get a little possesive over her toys but she does like to bring him stuff and try to teach him stuff. right now she is helping me teach him dada......oh thats another thing!!! zaiden says mama and baba....loudly! lol we are working on dada but he just looks at me like im stupid and screams mama. lol i dont think he actually knows im mama I think hes just making noises.

He has gotten to be such a chunky boy. He got off boob and onto formula and chunked right up. I love it! I love his little fat rolls. he is so ticklish on his chubby thighs and on his ribs....his laugh is just so great. the sweetest baby laugh you have ever heard. I cant believe how similar and yet how different him and lily are. I mean they look exactly alike....they got some good genes thats just plain to see but they are similar in a lot of ways other then appearance.

In other news lets see......we are getting our backyard done finally!!!!! after living here for over a year we got a brand new beautiful red wood fence and are getting sod and all sorts of great plants put in.....as well as....hold your breath.....starting a garden!!!!! anyone who knows me knows I cant keep plants alive for anything lol but we are going to start growing our own veggies and fruit and whatever else we can. it will be an adventure thats for sure....tays gonna have to show me the ropes.

I dont know what else to really write about....a lot has been going on but same ole same ole at the same time lol. If that makes sense. I will make sure I start updating more then once a year lol. Love all you who read!!!!!!