its just so sad.......

When its been so long since you wrote a blog you cant even remember your login. anyway here it goes


actually there is so much to say and not a whole lot of it would be nice so maybe its better I dont write one hahahahahahaha.

I think sitting here and enjoying the rest of my hooka and going to bed will be more in order. I am going to try and keep up more with this blog because some days I am interesting. not all the time but sometimes.


i need a vacation.

The end

Its been far to long

I need to get back into this blogging thing!!!!! I have been doing things like a mad woman on the go non stop and its finally catching up to me. phew! lol

well a few things that have been going on....lil zaiderman is trying to crawl and can pull himself up into a sitting position!!!!! he is so funny when he is trying to crawl...he gets up on all fours and rocks and moves his knee forward but hasnt gotten the move the arm forward yet...although I expect it to happen soon. and the sitting up thing is HUGE for him. He just had no desire to sit up at first...he knew how but didnt want to. and now that he can pull himself up he just army crawls everywhere and then sits up. I love it!!!! Its really bitter sweet though since he is our last and I feel like it is going by in the blink of an eye. I have been trying to take more pics and videos but they are mostly on my phone so i can send them to hubby. I am very much ready for him to be home.....I miss him like crazy and lily is getting impatient and wonders why daddy has been at work for so long lol. I keep telling her daddy is on an adventure with diego and will be home soon!

Lily.....oh sweet....adorable....terrible two lily. She is the sweetest most loveable hugable adorable child when she wants to be but can switch to a total demon in a matter of seconds. I know she i sjust testing me most of the time but i can say I have failed a few of those tests. I try not to give in to much but its so hard to find the balance between being over strict and under strict. Of course we all want our children to be happy but where do we draw the line? is it at the extra story at bed time? at the wanting to eat only fruit snacks and hot dogs for 3 days? I mean whatever makes them happy right? That was my theory up until a few days ago. Lily has started boycotting bedtime like its going out of style. it has become a hour and a half to two hour battle to get her to go to bed and i can say that my patience is thin and non existant after about 30 min of the struggle. I think I may have found a solution.....although not one im proud of......I have been told to take away her favorite toy as a punishment but the problem is she doesnt have one. yes my 2 year old does not have a favorite toy. her favorite thing is watching her cartoons. I have been wanting to cut back her tv time for awhile now since she learned to go in the guest room and turn on the tv if she didnt like the music mommy was playing....so i think i found a solution


I moved the tv up to her room and im only going to let her watch it at bedtime. So far tonight it has been working great and she has only come out twice. once to ask mommy for a kiss and once to ask mommy for a hug. I know this may not be the best solution and maybe its a bad idea but for now I can say that im liking it because tonight is the first night I have not sat on her floor crying. Have you ever just gotten to apoint...after the yelling, and the bartering and the spankings that you just are at a loss of what to do? That was me every night....I just didnt know what to do so eventually I would sit on her floor and cry.....pathetic? maybe.....but I just couldnt handle the stress lol. Another reason we are only have 2 kids. i dont think I could handle anymore.

anyway she is still a great kid and apparently is a lot like I was.....im sorry mommy! I feel for you! lol. she can now sing twinkle twinkle little star and still sings her own little version of you are my sunshine that I love. she has the cutest little voice and my heart melts everytime she sings. she also loves to read to her babies....and she loves to play with zaiden most of the time lol. she can get a little possesive over her toys but she does like to bring him stuff and try to teach him stuff. right now she is helping me teach him dada......oh thats another thing!!! zaiden says mama and baba....loudly! lol we are working on dada but he just looks at me like im stupid and screams mama. lol i dont think he actually knows im mama I think hes just making noises.

He has gotten to be such a chunky boy. He got off boob and onto formula and chunked right up. I love it! I love his little fat rolls. he is so ticklish on his chubby thighs and on his ribs....his laugh is just so great. the sweetest baby laugh you have ever heard. I cant believe how similar and yet how different him and lily are. I mean they look exactly alike....they got some good genes thats just plain to see but they are similar in a lot of ways other then appearance.

In other news lets see......we are getting our backyard done finally!!!!! after living here for over a year we got a brand new beautiful red wood fence and are getting sod and all sorts of great plants put in.....as well as....hold your breath.....starting a garden!!!!! anyone who knows me knows I cant keep plants alive for anything lol but we are going to start growing our own veggies and fruit and whatever else we can. it will be an adventure thats for sure....tays gonna have to show me the ropes.

I dont know what else to really write about....a lot has been going on but same ole same ole at the same time lol. If that makes sense. I will make sure I start updating more then once a year lol. Love all you who read!!!!!!

Wow how long has it been?

Well howdy!!!! I know I havnt posted anything in a looooong time but I havnt really had much to say and at the same time so much going on. TO much to update on but lets start with today.....Today lily got her big girl furniture.......My baby girl is no longer a baby girl. She now has a twin bed, a 6 drawer dresser and a desk with a hutch.....oh and of course a nightstand. I cant lie and say im ready for this......A lot of the time I still look at her and see her as zaidens size....even though I can have a full blown conversation with her and she understands me and I understand her. It still breaks my heart to think my little first born is getting so big. but I must accept she is.


Taylor and I recently decided that these 2 beautiful angels will be our only beautiful angels. I mean of course if something happened we would deal with it but another wont be planned. It wasnt an easy decision but after everything that we went through with zaiden it just doesnt seem practical to try and have another one. not to mention we like spoiling our babies and being able to give them anything we want.....yes they are spoiled I will admit that lol. I think this is why watching lily get so big is so hard because I know zaiden is right behind her and then I will be done with babies. Thank God my friends are baby making machines so I can always get my baby fix :D


lets see what else has happened.....we took the kids on their first camping trip and it went very well. I love hanging out with my parents.....they are some of my best friends. we are going again for July 4th weekend and I cant wait!!!! When taylor gets back we will be going again......I love camping and it will make it so much better when my hubby is here with us, right where he belongs. I miss him so much and it sucks but we are about half way down.....I think....I would have to check dates lol. anyway I dont really have to much to say cause its been so long but im going to get back into blogging everynight. it helps alot. so that is my story for now. Until tomorrow!

new blog as promised

I know I have been totally slacking but there has been so much going on!!!!! Lots of re-evaluation, a great visit from my mommy to help me keep my sanity, a birthday party, great freinds, my adorable children and of course this wouldnt be complete without mommy being sick.....oh wait....thats a bad thing.....


well yes I am sick...it started out as just my sinuses draining and progressed to a throat infection....not strep...just a throat infection and a massive sinus headache so im dealing with that as best as possible.


I have been learning how to deal with the kids in different ways....its so different being a parent of two and trying to cope with terrible twos and a needy baby (hes not bad hes just spoiled) and house projects and house work and so on and so forth. and the deployment......oh man the deployment. its been hard this time around. for various reasons. I miss him like crazy all the time and then of course there is the mis communication that takes place over email when you cant hear their voice or see their reaction. it leads to tension and fighting but I know we will come out on the other end of this stronger and more in love. I cant believe we have been married over 4 years....its just so crazy to me. I cant wait for our 5 year anniversary when we go get married by Elvis...everyone thinks im joking but its totally gonna happen hahahahahaha.


anyway back to my life the past little bit.....my mom came down for the weekend and we did some serious retail damage at ross....I ended up returning most of the clothes cause they didnt fit right but it was fun shopping anyway. i cant wait til I lose all the baby weight! I know my body will never be the same cause I was assaulted by two babies but to just have the number down would make me happy. They were worth it though. I love that everyday they teach me something new...and they are teaching me to be more patient.


Today lily counted to 10.....I said hey lily lets count to 10 and she just did it....she skips the number 6 most of the time but she rambles off the other numbers like its nothing...I was so shocked and so proud because I taught her that. All those times I didnt think she was listening she was and she was learning. its just a beautiful feeling. we are working on the abc's to.....shes so funny cause she has the beat down for the abc song but doesnt know the letters. she will say a b c **insert lily babble here** and its so cute!!!!!! we went over each letter slowly and she repeated it back perfect. im just so proud of her. she is def in her terrible twos but she can be so damn adorable when she wants to.


and z man....lol that child is just such a pig. He is LOVING that he gets baby food now and if his rice cereal isnt on time in the morning he lets you know....if he doesnt get his lunch oh man watch out! lol. I love that he rolls everywhere and reaches for stuff and just the fact that he is so fascinated by the smallest things......his fav thing ever is the vacuum. That bad boy comes out and he is so excited!!!!!! he reaches for it and laughs at it. one of his fav things is to sit on my knee and I nuzzle his neck and he just laughs and laughs. He is such a cuddle bug and I love it. im hoping its not only cause hes breastfed cause I dont know if that is slowly coming to an end. He gets formula everyday before bed now and sometimes during the day because I fear my supply is getting low. all in all though I cant be upset because I made it to my goal of 6 months. anything beyond that was a huge plus and he is officially 6 months. for anyone that doesnt know I was only able to breastfeed lily for 8 weeks and it took a huge toll on me emotionally. I wanted so badly to be able to breastfeed and have a natural delivery and it just seemed like nothing with lily went to plan. I cant complain about it though because it made me a stronger person......it made me realize not everything goes to plan and all you can do is hope for the best and push through the worst.


man this blog is a big babble tonight. maybe I should end it here and start fresh tomorrow. The fence is almost done so hopefully i will have completed pics of it tomorrow. I also will be waking up and cleaning and doing laundry and then going to a play date and more cleaning. I wish I could go to the gym but seeing how I am coughing every 5 seconds and my throat feels like its on fire this week is just not a gym week. and I must clean anyway because I HATE coming home to a messy house after being gone for a few days. Until tomorrow!

im a craptastic blogger lol

well I have taken a few days off to figure some things out. Im not dead and im not dieing....life has just happened the past few days and I needed to re-evaluate some things and do some serious retail therapy. lol. Tomorrow I am going to a bday party for mr max so I will update either tomorrow night or monday morning. Sorry this isnt more interesting! lol Bye bye for now!

Not really in the blogging mood

well its tuesday......it has been an ok day. Not the most frustrating but not the easiest either. The fence was supposed to be started today but it was held up again.....maybe tomorrow. The day started out like any other.....kids waking up.....lily asking for milk....zaiden screaming for milk lol and mommy wanting her coffee. i woke up with a stuffy nose, sore throat and a sore ear. The day got better though and we went to target to get a few things and then went to ms judys to hang out. Always a pleasure to hang out there because lily keeps busy, zaiden plays on the floor and I get to talk to one of my best friends :D


Zaiden is so goofy lol he has learned that his arms and legs move so he will throw his legs then start making weird panting sounds but he is doing it out of excitement hahahaha. i will have to get it on video cause it is just so cute. I love that he is learning to put his arms up kinda when he wants to be picked up. and I love taht I can put him on my chest and he will snuggle and then look up at me with that toothless little grin and smile away. I love that he loves his sister so much and that she loves him. I love that they love me despite the fact that im still learning. Im not going to be one of the moms that pretends everything is perfect and lies to myself and to everyone saying that I do everything right.....I KNOW I dont.....I know I lose my patience more then I should. I know that I talk loud and it can be taken as yelling. I know that I yell at lily when I get frustrated but the difference between me and "the perfect moms" is I am working on it. I would rather admit that im not perfect and work to improve myself everyday then to sit there and act like everything is perfect when in the long run there is no doubt I will fuck up my kids eventually.....omg did I just say the f word?!?!??! holy shiza I totally did. yeah well this is me..... This is the me that I hide from a lot of people and im done. I am a wonderful person, an amazing friend, a caring sister, a loving wife and mom and im the most perfect person that I can possibly be at this point in time.


Im so sick of pretending to be someone im not to impress people. Of holding back my opinion for fear of hurting someones feelings...I mean granted there is a time and place to state an opinion and there are nice ways of doing things but from here on out im not going to say I like something when i dont, im not going to tell you its ok when its not......im not going to take your shit anymore. is this about ONE person? NOPE! this is about a few people in general and all i have to say is if you dont like me then remove me from your life. If you dont want to be around me then dont....if you dont want to be there for me when I need you then dont wonder why im not there when you need me.


I would hope that if you ask the true close friends I have that they would tell you im a wonderful person. I would hope that they would say they know I would be there anytime day or night for them and that if they needed the shirt off my back or the bra off my boobs i would give it to them....even if that meant my boobs would sag.


I hope that my friends know I will come to them with a problem instead of talking behind their back. I will let them know when im in a bad mood and they usually cheer me up. I will let them know when im hanging on my a thread and i need someone to pull me back to reality.


You know what my friend katie does that for me alot. im not saying my other friends dont...i love all of you believe me I love you with all my heart and you are my family but katie gets me. She always knows what to say even if that means saying nothing. She reminds me that each day is beautiful and I need to remember that everyday and not take my kids or my life for granted. she accepts me for ALL my faults.....she talks to me in my darkest moments and in my happiest times. she lifts me up when I need it and brings me crashing back to reality when i need it to.


Lindsey....oh man lindsey lol. we have been through soooooo much. we have had so many ups and downs but I know that no matter what we will die being friends. She reminds me that having the patience of a saint is possible....she reminds me that although a deployment is hard you can make it through with grace.....she reminds me that no matter what shit storms life throws you that you WILL make it through with the love of friends.


all of my friends that i have made here in menifee or temecula or murietta or wherever....what can I say....i cant say enough. they saved me........they saved me from myself. They gave me a life outside of my house......they also remind me that each day is beautiful and there is so much fun and joy in just sitting back and watching our kids learn and play and lets face it sometimes beat up eachother.


I love the fact that i have friends that I can go months without speaking to and when we pick up that phone its right back to how it used to be. Thats not always the case......but its nice when it is. I have friends that I have lost touch with or dont call as much as i should and for that im sorry. it was never my intention to not have you in my life...if it was my intention you would have known. and if your reading this....im sorry. I hope that we can be close again someday.


I wish i could have these wonderful fuzzy feelings for all of my family and all of the people I have met in my life.....lets face it....in life we are forced to deal with people we dont want to....forced to smile when all we want to do is scream.....forced to hide tears when we want to cry a river and drown in it.....but its the love of friends and family that pull us through.


I promise now to myself that i will no longer hide who i am. I promise now to myself to be the best mom I can be. I promise now to myself to be the best wife I can me. and I promise to be the best friend i can be.......I promise now to deal with situations I dont want to deal with and to do it with grace and dignity. and I promise now to not let what YOU think of me compromise what I think of myself.


sorry this is rambling. Tomorrow will be a happier blog I promise.


and for anyone that thinks I forgot my husband no i didnt forget my husband....he is my other half....he is me with a penis and there arent enough words in the world to describe how much he means to me. just to clear that up lol


jenny out!

Bad mommy! bad mommy!!! bad blogger!

So I havnt written since friday and im sorry about that. I had a busy weekend and then yesterday was a hard day and I just wasnt in the blogging mood. well lets see saturday was a fabulous day!!!! We went to Ms.paige's 2nd birthday party and had so much fun!!!! there was an awesome dip there I need to ask how to make cause it makes my mouth happy :D There was a bouncer , ice cream, cake and presents....all in all the perfect birthday party. The kids had so much fun and the adults relaxed and had fun to. After the birthday party I took the kiddies home because zaiden was being a pill again...lets face it thats nothing new for him lol. so after much trying and trying I put him down for bed......then I went out and mowed and edged the lawn....yes thats right I MOWED AND EDGED THE LAWN! The things you learn how to do when your hubby is no longer around to do them lol. It does look pretty snazzy if i do say so myself. So zaiden woke up again ( I think he must be teething really bad cause he has been refusing sleep lately) and I got him back down again and called Judy to tell her I wasnt gonna come over cause the kids were being pills and I was tired and bla bla bla......She asked me what I had been doing so I told her I had mowed and edged the lawn and now I was just weeding the front yard......she was not happy with me!!!!!! Apparently Rochelle and her hubby were going to surprise me for mothers day and do the front yard for me so I wouldnt have to!!!! how sweet is that!!!! Epic fail on my part but I had no idea! lol so after talking with judy and then calling rochelle to thank her it was decided that a fun night at judys was in order so that I didnt sit home and clean. Pack up the kids, pack up the kids crap, pack up my crap and off we go!!!!! It was a UFC fight night so we watched some of that...dude did anyone see that guys eye! so crazy! After the fight the men folk went to the garage to.......well I guess do what guys do. I think there was some drinking and poker involved, and the girls headed out back to smoke hooka, have a drink or 2 and be awesome cause...well we rock! I got to talk to hubby for 4 min and 13 seconds so that was nice :D we ended up staying up til 2 am and I was told I was spending the night lol. In the morning Judy made some awesome pancakes that made me smile!!!!! and Hubby called me again and I got to talk to him for a little bit longer this time. Hearing his voice can brighten my mood anytime. I miss him so much!!!!!!!

Then sunday....Mothers day!!!!! I got happy mothers day from all of my great friends and family......I got to spend it with my kids....but I was in a funk all day. I missed Taylor a lot yesterday because to me Mothers day is really only fun if you have someone to celebrate it with...other then your kids. yesterday (aside from breakfast) was just like any other day. I was still chasing after 2 kids, trying to get them to nap, making lunch, making dinner, changing diapers, cleaning up....and I even picked up dog poop. Im not trying to whine or complain but yesterday was just hard. I cant wait til hubby is home and life goes back to normal.....ill still be doing everything but at least I can bitch at him for not doing anything....hahahahahaha ok just kidding. I dont mind doing all the chores...to be honest I feel somewhat empowered that I CAN do all this stuff. I mean not a lot of women can take care of 2 kids and a house and a yard and pay bills, do playdates, the gym and all the millions of other things I do and keep sane....im not totally sane by any means but im pretty sane hahahaha. so there was me tooting my own horn for a min.

sorry this blog isnt very interesting I have to find my camera to upload some pics hahahahaha. Blog to come later tonight about todays festivities! I get to spend part of the day with judy and we are tackling the impossible task or organizing my cluttter filled house. cant wait to get rid of some stuff! weeeeee.....Untill later tonight!!!! Ta ta!