its the new year........

and as my friend put it im "looking back on the last year and re evaluating"...well I dont know if thats what she said exactly but you get the point.

I guess when its the end of the year you do really look back and think what have I accomplished this year? What did I do to better myself? Did I put myself first? My kids? My husband? what can I do better next year? well heres my reflection of this last year......

My husband was gone for 7 months..... to anyone that has ever had their husband gone they know what its like to not feel whole for 7 months. To feel like half of you is missing. it was a difficult deployment....stress on both of us...of course for him being deployed and for me taking care of two kids and a house and trying to keep the happy face on. Luckily I had great....no FANTASTIC friends to help me through it. I am the type of person that keeps a close circle of friends. I dont really have acquaintances or so so friends...but at the same time I do....let me try to explain. I forgive to easily....or I let things slide that I shouldnt...a lot of the time. my husband can verify this lol. I let things go that really shouldnt be excused. But at what point in life do you have to say that letting things go is growing up...or its being walked on? isnt it a fine line? I think im getting off my point....let me try to get back lol.


this past year my family life has been great. Of course there was stress with taylor being deployed but at the end of the day we would rather be fighting with eachother then pretending everything in our relationship is perfect or being with anyone else. we are soul mates no matter how difficult that may be to remember at times. For anyone that knows our story we got married very young and very fast. This works against us sometimes but we know in our hearts that God put us together and God will keep us together.

Mark 10:6-9 (TNIV) But at the beginning of creation God 'made
them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and
mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'
So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined
together, let no one separate.

(although I think that it could be man and man or female and female...yes thats right im pro gay marriage...get over it)

My kids are great. They are the biggest blessings in my life by far. They can test my patience and wear me down to the bone but I have learned a lot this past year. Ive learned what kind of mother I want to be and what kind I dont. I have learned that I am stronger then I ever thought I could be...or dreamed I could be. I have learned that patience really is the key hahahahahah....ive learned that terrible twos really does exist and should be put in a handbook somewhere....when the kid pops out a manual should come with it. Lily amazes me everyday and so does Zaiden with something new they learn. Or something I didnt know they knew to begin with. Watching children grow and learn and knowing that im the one that carried them...and feed them and teach them is the best feeling in the world. ok ok taylor had something to do with it to hahahahahaha..love you baby!

Now back to friends....awwww friendships....they are a beautiful, complicated, exhausting, fulfilling thing arent they? But should they be? im not so sure anymore. Ive lost a lot of friends this year...but then I have to ask myself...if ive lost them were they ever true friends to begin with? I have "friends" that ive had for years that I guess when it comes down to it I couldnt really call them friends. but then again I have friends that I never speak to...maybe once in a blue moon...but I know if i called them and told them I needed them they would be there in a heart beat.....so which is better? Friends that are there for everyday things but you couldnt call in a pinch? or friends that are hardly ever there but you know would be there in a heartbeat? I guess its a tough call.

of course im lucky enough to have friends that are there for everyday things and friends that I can call in a pinch..or just to bitch...or just to say he I miss your boobs...i mean face...lol.

There are some friendships that ended this year that I have closure on. and then dont. Theres a lot of things I would like to clear up but then see no point in doing so. so again....is there a right answer? is there a point that you just have to let it go? there are a lot of people that say yes. But there are a lot of people that are like me that need that closure. need that " I did everything I could, I said everything I needed to, and I can walk away knowing that its for the best."

I think for me its a need to want to fix things. Or at least get my point across. and i know that im not always right and sometimes my opinion doesnt matter or shouldnt matter but I like to at least feel heard.





The lessons we learn in life......they dont always come easy....they arent always fun....and at the time you arent always grateful for them. but you learn to be.

Goals for the new year

1. quit smoking (4 days down)
2. lose weight (yeah thats always one lol)
3. be less of a hypochondriac ( lol yes Ky I promise I will try)
4. enjoy the little things more
5. spend less money on useless crap
6. renew my vows with my fabulous hubby
7. learn to appreciate my husband more....or at least learn to express it better because I appreciate him more then he will ever know
8. cherish the TRUE friendships I have and do away with the rest of the crap.
9. Learn the difference between a true friend, a friend of convenience, an acquaintance, a frienemy, and a piece of shit.
10. take more time for myself
11. go on more walks
12. do the dishes everyday
13. make a hunny do list
14. finish house projects that are financially possible
15. pay off credit debt
16. learn when its ok to walk away from a situation
17. learn that I cant fix everybody/everything and I need to stop trying
18. learn that not everyone will like me and thats ok
19. go to church more
20. read more (it just so happens the next book in my fav series came out today so i will be buying that tomorrow! super excited!)

thats all I can think of right now. man im going to have a busy year. lots of learning to do...and lots of growing up to do. im ready and willing to take on the new year and hope for the best.

Heres to the husband I adore and am madly in love with
Heres to the kids that I love so much I didnt know that kind of love was possible
Heres to the friends that put up with my shit and love me anyway
heres to my mom that knows when to be my friend and put me in my place and knows when to be my mom and love me no matter if im right or wrong.
and last but not least.....heres to me. im not the best person in the world, im not the brightest and im not the most beautiful....but im me and im learning to love that person more and more each day.


I know its a little late but this blog was started and never finished and now I finally finished it.....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! Go make the most of it. Its the only 2011 you will get :D

Happy new year!!!!!!!

we are 3 days into the new year which means day 3 of no smoking for me...im not going to lie and say its been easy cause it hasnt but im proud of myself for making the 3 day mark. A lot is going to be happening in the bundt household....as usual hahahhaha. and of course as soon as I sit down to blog z man wakes up from his late nap...i was gonna wake him up in a few min anyway but still! come on little man. lol. so I guess I will blog more later. I will be making my new years resolution check list on here so I cant lose it and I actually have to stick to it.....pooooooo. Until later tonight!